Just how complex is it to be a socially-conscious consumer?

The short answer = Incredibly-Intricately Complex.
First, let me start with this.... My purpose here is not to cause anyone to give up on efforts to be a socially-conscious consumer but rather to help make you (us, that is) more effective. And if you try to be a leader in this movement, it is especially important that you get rid of blind spots.

Those of you who know me well, know that I've spent the better part of the last 8 years striving to help (creatively) in aftercare for survivors of exploitation; encourage people to be aware and informed; and understand as much as possible about the supply and demand sides of global exploitation or slavery whatever euphemism you choose to use. Whatever term you use, it is a crime against humanity, an ominous threat to the human narrative. Though I have spent considerable amounts of time thinking about this stuff, researching, advocating, caring for survivors, I am far from perfect. Over the past (almost) 2 years in particular, I have been striving to rid my life entirely of slave-made goods. To be honest, I never started drinking coffee because of this issue, I haven't eaten chocolate for almost a decade because of this issue, and I quit buying new clothes because of this issue. In fact, at this point, the wardrobes in our household are almost entirely second-or-third-hand (as you can probably all tell), fair trade, Made in the USA, or heavily researched. Same goes for our new duvet cover, the stuff we use in our kitchen, our furniture, toiletries, accessories, etc.... I've really worked hard to make sure that Ellee Bella's stuff is not the product of exploitation, and for years we've tried to eat in such a way that is socially & environmentally conscious. Now, it sounds like we've got a lot together, but still we use computers everyday, cell phones, ipod speakers, and other electronics. Occasionally we drive a car, use a printer, have a digital slr, and a flipcam. We also receive gifts and struggle with the tension between gratitude and social concern. Further, we are human and we don't have to worry about our basic needs being met so there's a lot of time to wonder what it would be like to have certain luxury items in our lives.

We are definitely minimalists and rarely buy stuff. In fact, sometimes we take so long deciding whether to purchase something that it updates 2 or 3 times before we get in the game. But knowing that and realizing that there's never a point at which we perfect socially-conscious consumerism makes me all the more compassionate towards the average American citizen or even those who consider themselves to be passionate abolitionists.

Bottom line is we all have different levels of motivation, different ideas as to what is really required of us. I'll be honest: I really struggle with people who claim to be passionate about ending slavery and even criticize others or set themselves up as leaders and really do nothing to clean up their own habits in a way that is truly transformative. I'm talking to myself here as well because we can never stop checking ourselves and our choices/actions as consumers, citizens, community members, and friends. I try to never preach to anyone on this topic, or any topic for that matter, but instead just share my unfolding story and collaborate with others in personal and social transformation. We have to learn from each other and the moment we refuse to do that we are more harmful than good because we start to make stuff up that fits what we want rather than reflects true reality. None of us are experts because none of us have completely removed the flesh of slaves from our lives and our possessions. None of us (reading this blog) really need anything right now. What I have realized is that saying "I'm going to do some research online and make a few calls to figure out how to make myself feel better about purchasing something I want so I can be hip and cool but I don't really need" and calling that abolition, is not actually socially-conscious or responsible.

If I haven't offended you already please continue to read this next enlightening part - no matter how socially-conscious a corporation is, it still doesn't mean that the products you buy aren't products of slave labor, even in the case of fair trade labeling sometimes. What you need to look for is entire supply chains. I recently heard several presentations by industry leaders in retail, marketing, and corporate responsibility for all different sizes of corporations, including a couple of the largest (non-governmental) employers/licensors in the world. All of them said the same thing: "we cannot name a single corporation or brand label that owns their own factories at every point of production." In fact, they say that most do not own any of their own factories. Disney, for example, has some of the strictest corporate responsibility policies in the world; yet, 23,000+ factories in 100 countries are licensees of their brand. They don't personally own any of these factories or produce any goods. They are an entertainment corporation but they license these factories to produce, market, and sale the Disney name and characters and products. They have to rely on limited on-site presence in these factories to regulate the compliance with their standards. They can guarantee that Disney does not exploit or enslave but at the end of the day, can they guarantee that nothing with the Disney name is the product of slaves?

The same goes for all brands of clothing or textiles. The world's largest supply of cotton is picked by child slaves in Uzbekistan. The corporations who purchase this cotton can guarantee that their own policies are socially-responsible and may even be able to stamp the fair trade or direct trade label on it but can they really guarantee that the cotton wasn't picked by slaves? You won't even be able to figure out where the cotton came from unless you know who and what to ask. So, you can call and research till you're blue in the face and feeling really good about the new shirt or device or boots that you are going to buy but bottom line is that no matter how responsible the brand is, they probably can't guarantee anything. We have to start demanding that guarantee from marketing experts and the corporate responsibility departments in our companies by writing them letters as much as we write letters to our own government. Beyond that, we have to start writing foreign embassies and expressing our perspective of slavery as intolerable. It is the government in Uzbekistan that makes money off of the lives and well being of their own children.

Some products are easier to believe in - where the chain of production is limited to one or two stages (coffee, fruit, chocolate, etc...) but the amount of money that we spend on coffee and chocolate even when fair trade is not enough to get the growers and harvesters out of poverty. You see, so much land is taken over by goods like coffee and chocolate. With globalization, so many developing countries have been forced to become exporters but they don't make enough money to import sustenance or have enough land left to grow sustenance. They are forced to take on desperate measures of agriculture and migration that send them further into vulnerability and its often the stronger ones, the ones looking for a way out, that end up in slavery.

Okay, well, maybe this is enough for now. It's hard to think about sometimes because it just feels so overwhelming but that is exactly what the slaveholders and traffickers want for us to feel. Imagine saying "I'm going to end the global trade of weapons" or "I'm going to end the global trade of drugs." It seems enormously impossible. Knowing that the research is somewhat outdated and not entirely reliable, the 27 million number could be close to right or it could drastically underestimate the number of enslaved human beings we are actually talking about. Partially, people don't take on a role in the war against the drug or weapons trade because it's not "sexy" or "trendy" and abolition is right now. But, we owe it to those who are enslaved to be more responsible than that. If we are using their stories to make ourselves feel better, to give ourselves some sort of purpose or gain some sort of social status then we are just further oppressing them for our own personal gain. Again, we must constantly check ourselves and be honest with ourselves and with each other. No single person is going to be able to end slavery alone, not even a small group of people. This ambitious goal requires a global movement and it starts with complete personal transformation.

My new friend......

The other day, I had to travel yet again one-on-one with Isabella from Birmingham back home. As usual we were flying Southwest and usually Isabella is just outstanding as a flying companion so I wasn't really worried, just pre-exhausted. She is so mobile and curious and social that it is just exhausting. The flight to Birmingham by ourselves went fine and I knew it would but still I was just wishing I had an adult flying companion. At the same time, knowing the flights were not full, I was hoping that people would choose to give me space. However, little did I know that I was about to meet someone very special.

It was close to the end of the B line, the last few passengers to board our first leg to Phoenix. I had a whole row to myself fairly close to the front of the plane. Isabella was pulling all the stuff out of the seat back pockets and kind of singing to herself. It was a late afternoon (3:45 cdt) flight so I was thinking she would go to sleep fairly early into it and that I might be able to lay her down if there were 2 open seats next to me. Then, I hear a strong, female voice say, "oh i wanna sit here, i just love babies, oh look how cute she is...." to her friends who proceeded to the back of the plane where there were many open seats. At first, my internal response was "oh mannnnnnn" but it didn't take long, not even the 15 minutes before taking off, to realize that she would be my new, and very special, friend!

She took to Isabella instantly and gained her affection very easily. She is a beautiful Palestinian woman who lives in Birmingham, where she raised her 3 kids. This is no ordinary family. They are truly amazing. She was an important part of making my trip one of the best days of travel that I've had in a while. First, she helped me so much with Isabella, on the plane, walking through the airport, getting my bags. But most of all, she shared her life with me and so many stories that were just brilliant! I asked so many questions about her homeland, her culture, her experience in Birmingham as a Palestinian Christian, and so on. We talked about raising kids (especially daughters), and about the people she knows who do social justice work vocationally. Most of all she told me about her experience meeting and experiencing an evening with the Dalai Lama and her time traveling through Napa and returning with her own mother (and one sister) to her homeland. We talked about Birmingham and the places and people we may have in common. And, we exchanged contact information.

Out of all of it, one of the things that was most special was her intuitive sense of who I am and her willingness to engage various topics that you might not otherwise just start talking about with strangers. I didn't feel like a stranger and neither did she, and not just in the Southern hospitality way. Then when I met her travel companions they were of the same spirit. It was really cool and I talked about it constantly when I got home. I can't wait to pursue some of the leads that she offered and maybe visit her shop in Birmingham next time i am there. She gave me one of the greatest compliments I've ever received about my parenting skills and overall demeanor as a parent, the way I interacted with Isabella and it was every bit what I strive to do and to be with her and for her. So..... thank you, my friend. Shalom.

What is truly creative?

For a moment, it is easy to get lost in this question. So many things come to mind when I think about "creative," some of which I think most people fail to recognize. The possibilities seem truly limitless and the boundaries quite fluid. Yet, so many people automatically opt-themselves-out of any discussion involving creativity OR (even more annoying) automatically opt-themselves-in. Either way, people often assume that they have it all figured out, that they have no connection to it, that they can hide from its intimidating shadow, or that they can teach it, control it, direct it, resist it, or judge it.

I was fortunate enough to spend the last several months studying under 2 of the world's leading creativity researchers/professionals. What evolved in me was not a desire to try to control or direct creativity but rather a deeper awareness for its presence, appreciation for its promise, and reflection on its purpose. It seems that our world order, or at least many cultures, have cultivated a strong sense of phobia or pride towards the idea of creativity, depending on whether they opt themselves out of or into the discussion. I think we have (1) over-defined creativity as a concept; (2) stigmatized it as a process; and (3) under-valued it as a way of being and becoming for all.

Really I could write for pages about this topic, particularly about the nature of the "creative genius" within all of us, the essence of everyday creativity, its relationship to eminent creativity, and the urgency of integrating creativity with education for the sake of human (child) development and global sustainability. And, actually I did write for pages last semester.... 112 pages to be exact. So, maybe I'll post some of them here or there. Though, I'm thousands of pages backlogged if I am going to post from my papers! The point really is just to think about what your understanding of creativity is for your own life. Did you know that you are creative? That there is a creative genius within you? It's not about whether you are an artist or an inventor or an amazing orator; though, there is a place for all types of eminence. It is about whether or not you can diverge from what is your norm, think outside of the box, step out and take (what may seem like) risks, experiment with what you hope for, create from within your soul and your heart.

Just because some cause, some endeavor, or divergence, is not big in the great scheme of things, is not going to change the world doesn't mean it's not important. Perhaps it will change your world and allow you to become more whole. We spend our whole lives chasing after things. I'll be happy if...... I will only be fulfilled if...... I have to achieve...... I need...... to be content. I think a lot of the time we forget, or ignore, or don't even realize what we're missing. We forget what we're leaving behind. We ignore and suppress who we really are in order to fit in, to be approved, to be successful. We separate ourselves from what makes us truly unique, from what makes us who we are. Each of us have a creative genius within, a true self, perhaps occasionally seeping through the surface, reminding us that the success of this world are fleeting but the success of our souls is what matters. It's not out there, it's what is within us. It is our roots. It is what is special. It brings life. Be who you truly are. Be creative.

Going deeply into our experience

Feeling the warm breeze whip around me, the cracking of the kite-like contraption that holds my weight, moving swiftly and smoothly through the air. The City is at home beneath me. The expansive Pacific visible in just about every direction. Structures lined up as if they were place carefully together. Wide open spaces, beaches and parks, seemingly enormous in the midst of all that is built around them. It is my home but right now it is my canvas. I paint without tools in my hand, rather with the power of my mind and the movement of life that surrounds me. The sounds of children and mothers ring in my ears, the wheels of bicycles are spinning, cars hum and horns honk erratically. People talking as if to the air around them. People hurrying about, some stopping to take in the air around them. We are co-conspirators in this piece. Though not many take the time to breathe. I am there to imagine the stories that evolve beautifully and rapidly around me. It is the stories that I see and hear in my mind. And I create. I create my place of contentment high in the sky, exhilarating, hopeful... above everything that is busy and demanding, in control of my perspective. Above everything. I create my picture of presence. I strive to be present to all occasions yet not involved in any. I strive to be restored. It is my daughter's little voice that I hear calling me back to the ground. "mama hold you, mama hold you." Taking a deep breath I put away my art and float to the ground. I reengage with the movement that I became so deeply aware of. Each time I return a part of me is transformed and able to see more clearly.

Staring down the finish line....

As many of you know, Jeff has just about completed a 40 day fast. It ends on his birthday, well that's the 40th day. It feels like a significant experience in many ways, some of which are more for me than even for him. It's interesting how that happens when you least expect it to. Now, I didn't fast alongside him but I did try to be supportive in a variety of ways, some that worked out better than others. At the same time, I had quite a bit of work to do for school and then there's mommy duties and of course, the stuff of everyday life. We spent quite a bit of time at the cabin because it was just easier for him to have the space and retreat that he needed plus it is a great place for Isabella to have freedom to roam and explore without requiring much work from us. I could do my thing and he could play with her more easily and vice versa. Seriously she WEARS HERSELF out while we're here and sleeps really well during naps AND at night. In fact, when we're here she actually takes naps!

As for the fast, I can't really articulate how impressed with his motivation and commitment I am... at least not in a way that does him justice. I realize that others have done 40 day fasts and/or other incredibly spiritually disciplined things but I witnessed this one. In many cases those who do this sort of thing do so either in isolation from the everyday life... solitude of sorts or they do so in community like in a monastery or something. But, Jeff did it in the midst of life, he found space each day to be still listen while still being a husband and a dad. This was something he needed to do and at the same time it took place during a time that I needed him and so did Isabella. I know that sometimes it came at the expense of stillness and solitude but I can only hope that it added to the experience in some sort of profound way.

As for me, it has been profound. Not just observing and internalizing its significance for him but also in the ways it has shaped me. First, I learned quite a bit about myself. It wasn't necessarily "new" things or huge realizations but rather reminding me of things in me that are important to be aware of AND giving me new perspective on a few things that are in some ways helpful to my soul even if they are challenging. I've felt a little like I was in a pressure cooker to get my work done and deeply wanting to and honor Jeff with the space and time he needed for this experience. I would love to do some things better but I truly believe that Jeff's time of fasting has brought a presence in the house (at least while we've been at the cabin) that enveloped all of us. There are a lot of things that Jeff and I have to talk about that I'm not going to share on here (probably best that I let him in first :)).

One of the things that became a stronger reality for me is the meaning of love in my life and the importance of understanding that giving and receiving love looks different for different people. But one thing is constant - everyone needs to be loved, to experience love, to feel safe with authentic, consistent love. However, I think it is really difficult for us to offer the kind of pure, authentic love that people (the world) so desperately need when we don't love ourselves with that kind of love. There really is something to the whole "love your neighbor as yourself" thing. If we don't love ourselves then the love we have to offer is not very strong, struggles to be authentic, and is potentially damaging. Love that damages seems to be the root of quite a bit of injustice if you ask me. Of course it's even more damaging to go through life not loving others. Then of course there's the reality that if a person doesn't love him/herself, it is close to impossible to truly receive love, even from the people closest to you. When I hear people say "we just don't love each other anymore" or "we grew apart" then I have to wonder what the real problem is. But that is another entry for another time. For now, I just want to add that something I've recently experienced is that sometimes it's the people who are trying the hardest to prove that they love others, seemingly active in everything possible, that lack the ability to love themselves and actually failing to authentically/effectively love others. I just want to hug those people. There has to be a balance.


Okay that is it for now. I must get BACK to WORK!

The Rescue

There are simply not strong enough words for how important it is to be aware the many tragic human conditions and realities in this world as we live our lives of freedom, comfort, and privilege. I believe there is a fine line between feeling guilty about our lives and feeling grateful. I don't mean to assume incorrectly but I do assume certain things about your lives if you're reading this. It is certainly not guilt that I want to encourage... it is gratitude and of course, action born out of that deep sense of gratitude. And, I understand that we may have different definitions of freedom, comfort, and privilege but ultimately there are simple distinctions between these realities and their opposing reality.

Are you enslaved? Exploited? Oppressed? Are you afraid for your health and well being on a daily basis? Are you able to sleep indoors, eat enough calories to keep from losing your mind? Do you have access to clean water? Basic health care? Clean clothes? Do you know your family? Are you loved, cared for? Do you have access to education and wages of greater than $1/day? Is your family so impoverished that they would choose to sell you into the commercial sex industry to make ends meet? Are you forced to work 20 hours a day in horrific conditions so the world can have its clothes, trinkets, and plastic toys?
Are you at risk of being abducted, abused, exploited, possibly forced to kill your own family, and be forever invisible as you fight senselessly in Africa's longest running war?

On April 25, 2009 a whole lot of people gathered in 100 cities around the world and participated in The Rescue, instigated by the organization Invisible Children (www.therescue.invisiblechildren.com). If you didn't hear about it beforehand it's not too late to get involved. Those of us who participated voluntarily abducted ourselves at a gathering point in our city.... we split into smaller groups and holding a rope marched in a single file line for a few miles to our makeshift LRA where we hunkered down to wait and be rescued. Clearly, some people (like us) had to modify our involvement but we did whatever we could to participate fully. We talked to people along the walk. We twittered LIKE CRAZY people, we talked to people walking through our camp. IT was a great turnout and a great experience. The Rescue continues even now as there are still a couple cities to be rescued by a mogul and there are rescue riders going from place to place to reinforce the efforts of a few who have continues to hold out! Anyways, I am going to post a website and a couple links. You need to go there. You need to watch this stuff. You need to be aware. You need to care. Let's end this war!

therescue.invisiblechildren.com (watch the 30 minute doc on Joseph Kony and the Invisible Children)

For current updates and to see what has gone on the past few days:
nightof.therescue.invisiblechildren.com

Watch the full length features: Invisible Children and of course, The Rescue

For previous activist efforts:

Displace Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAyyVg2Xpk0
The Global Night Commute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI_suOg7Awc&NR=1

Days 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.....

The Experiments continue but in the midst of that, this past weekend (from first thing Friday morning till late last night), we had a retreat with our small group up to Arnold. It turned out to be Isabella's first time at the cabin, first retreat, first snow, and a fabulous time for us all (with aunt and uncle Gunhild and Stian, auntie Melody, and Auntie Amy) to enjoy the beautiful landscape, the rest, the good food, and some significant deepening of relationship. Being up there, however, we were very disconnected not only from the fast pace of life here in the City but also from easy internet access so I haven't blogged since Wednesday. I spent all of Thursday getting ready for the weekend on quite an adventure with Isabella and then going to a birthday party that evening, the weekend up there, and then today RECOVERING!

Last Thursday, the day began with waking up a little before 7am to a very hungry baby. After feeding Isabella, and playing for a bit, a little before 8am, I got up to walk into the kitchen to run warm water on a cloth wipe so I could change Isabella's diaper. Now, I hadn't slept great the night before because Isabella didn't sleep great so I was a little less sharp than normal. As I walked through our bedroom door into the kitchen my feet hit a puddle of water and I can only wish that I had a video of myself at that moment. Because I don't. And, it had to be funny. After almost falling down, I managed to get a handle on my situation and realized that the brand new water heater that we just put in after the other one crapped out had just crapped out and was proceeding to leak out all through the kitchen and remembering just 10 days prior would soon be leaking into our bedroom. This time the situation was already a little worse it seemed and I had Isabella to take care of so I just texted Jeff, tried to start setting up a barrier and hope he'd be home from the gym soon! At the end of the day, it all worked out and we got to see our good friend Mark again, but are definitely hoping that replacing our water heater every couple weeks is not a pattern.

While all that was going on, Isabella and I went on a "most of the day" adventure. After helping Jeff put down towels and create a barrier to keep at least our room dry, she and I got ready to go. We started out waiting for bus #24 at Elizabeth and Castro but when my iphone said it would be 25 minutes, we decided we could probably walk the 2.5 miles in just a little more time than that so off we went! We walked right through the Castro all the way to Kaiser where I had to stop by before heading off to run some errands. I know that most of you probably think we're crazy for just up and walking 2.5 miles but really, living in the City, that's nothing and when it comes down to it, everyone should walk more than that in a day and well, we do walk more than that most days. So.... we walked and it was a great walk - lots of hills and things to see and people to smile at. It was an adventure. Once we got to Kaiser it only took a few minutes there and then we had to get to the bus stop to get on the 38L to get to the 49 or 47 at a stop in the Haight in order to get to Rainbow Grocery in the Mission. On the 38L we sat next to a very nice black woman who talked about her kids and how cute Isabella is and we had a great time. It was a fairly short ride, so it seemed because the L means it has limited stops. With limited stops you realize just how small the City really is. I'm glad we rode the bus though because the hills were dramatic that we scaled in order to get to the stop we needed to get to. When we got to our stop we said goodbye to our new friend and made some other new friends waiting for the bus. We could get on either of the buses at this stop and just decided to get on the first one to come. Well, they both came at the same time and we chose the less crowded one.

On this bus, we sat next to a disabled, white man and a hispanic grandmother. The man wasn't too thrilled to have any conversations but the grandmother was full of smiles. She only spoke Spanish so I invited her to speak to us in Spanish, telling her that I am teaching it to Isabella as best as I can. This ride was a bit longer and we ended up getting off at the same stop. Once we got off together, we parted ways and Isabella and I arrived at Rainbow. We shopped for most of the stuff we needed for the weekend and then went back outside to wait for the bus to take us to 24th street in the Mission where we could get on the 48. I filled my back pack with our groceries and still had one bag in hand. Isabella was still being perfectly good and we made another new friend at the bus stop. Eventually we got over the 48 where a very nice Hispanic man helped us get situated on the bus as I was carrying her, the backpack, a bag, and trying to let her eat while doing all of it. She fell asleep as the man just smiled at her sweet little face.

When we got home the water heater project was done, we hung out while Jeff and Mark had burritos and beer and then we got ready to do the rest of the shopping for the weekend and go to a birthday party. The weekend of course was also full of creative adventures!

The weekend was also full of sign language teaching, Spanish practicing, and a failure to honor any sort of bedtime. In fact, not only did I not go to bed an hour and a half after Isabella, I stayed up till 2am the first night and 7am, yes, that's right, 7am, the second night! Both mornings waking up with Isabella at about 8am. So, today I spent the day recovering in the truest sense of the word! It was a good day though. We're letting it be one of our days off of our adventures. We still do some sign language and Spanish. Now, Isabella is asleep and I shall be soon!

Week 1

I told you I would be back shortly!

The Experiments are going well for me. I started my last post talking about Lent but really this is quite a bit different. Though, I am sure some of the people in our larger group have given things up for Lent before or even grew up in traditions that strictly followed the liturgical calendar and all that comes with it, we're not really doing this as a part of that. Though some may be doing both. I didn't actually totally understand Lent until after I had indulged in its popularity for a few years. It was then that I realized how thankful I was to have been raised in a tradition where there wasn't a huge emphasis placed on the ritual of it but rather on the reality of what Jesus really did. From my understanding, Lent is an attempt to honor the 40 days, however it is calculated, that Jesus spent in the desert, fasting, praying, being tempted by Satan , and preparing to start His ministry. I'm sure there are quite a few people who engage with the season of Lent committedly, wholeheartedly, with the hope of becoming more like Jesus. But Jesus gave his 40 days so that he could give his life. We (in the universal sense) give our 40 days without candy or soda or chocolate and I know it can be difficult and it certainly is better than nothing but shouldn't the season of Lent be all year? That's what I was taught as a child - that every moment of everyday I should remember who Jesus is, why he did what he did, and what it means to follow in His way. I'm really glad that it all came back to me in the midst of finding myself and pursuing who I was created to be. So, Lent for me in the recent past has been more about experimenting with ways in which I can live my life more like Jesus and be shaped by that.

This year I have friends who are doing this but we're not calling it Lent. It is a part of a larger series of spiritual formation called The Jesus Dojo. And this is a great way to close out the series.

My first week was fun, working out all the kinks in my experiments, discovering what the challenges are, balancing it all. It's been fun. It's been a little hard for a couple of mine because of the rain. But, we've made it work. Isabella and I went to visit with a new friend of ours who sits outside of Casa Mexicana in our neighborhood. He is such a nice man, a little elderly. One day I went to buy burritos for us and a friend who was helping Jeff with our water heater emergency and this man asked me if I could get him a burrito. I said, of course. He was so excited to have guacamole! And, he was even more excited when I said I would bring Isabella next time so he could see her. He told me what a joy it is to see a baby and that he hadn't been close enough to a baby to tell what color eyes he/she had in over 20 years. I found that to be so sad, especially after I've seen how much joy Isabella brings to people on the bus and train and sidewalks just from her flirtacious grin. So, last week, Isabella and I went over to Casa mexicana and there he was. I bought him a burrito and I sat down on the bench next to him while he ate. He could barely eat he was so drawn in by Isabella and her smiling and talking and curiosity. We spent about 15 minutes there and it was time to head home, but it was, he said, the best 15 minutes of his life. And that's only one of our creative adventures for the week!

Isabella and I are having fun practicing spanish and sign language. I can't wait to see some results!

I've been pretty disciplined on the hour and half after her bedtime thing. It's hard for me. It's not that I'm not tired, it's just that she's asleep and I know it's for an extended period of time and I just want to be doing something. But, I try to let myself start winding down and getting ready. Jeff is already in bed right now soooooooo he's hoping this one sticks for me :).

My new experiment is the letter writing one. I am going to write to my sweet friend, Max, who is in a very difficult place in life right now. I am going to write a letter to my sister. I am going to write letters to my grandparents. My goal, since this was a late addition, is to get these out by Friday. Then I'll move onto the next 4.

And blogging, well, it took me a while to get started but now I'm here!

Experiments in Truth

I started doing the "LENT" thing back when I was in high school. It was a cool thing for people to do together. You know, give something up, talk about how hard it is and then have that thing to covet and celebrate with as soon as LENT was over. Of course, I also grew up in a place where Mardis Gras is popular and very much a part of the culture. I grew up in the deep South. I wasn't really taught or raised in a faith tradition where Ash Wednesday or Lent were celebrated but the idea was all around. And my friends did it all. So, why wouldn't I. I have fond memories of these little experiments with my friends. Some experiments were practical while others were purely for fun. My senior year, I remember that we all chose something to give up (mine was candy) and then we also chose to commit to 40 straight days of rolling houses - now that was a challenge! Anyways, it wasn't till college that I really started to take the season seriously and not just as a ritual that happened once a year but as a way to deepen my relationship with my Creator and come to a fuller understanding of who I was created to be.

Entering college was sort of the climax of my spiritual journey. Up to that point, I had become rather disenchanted, skeptical, somewhat faithless. But, still, I had this fascination with Jesus, his life, his teachings, his love.... that made me feel more whole just thinking about living like Him. I spent quite a bit of time with some very faithful and spiritual people, had some fantastic mentors come into my life, some mentoring in not so faith-based and spiritual ways. I learned a lot. When the season of Lent rolled around, I was ready to start experimenting with practices each year that wouldn't just be about 40 days of sacrifice, necessarily, but rather about creating discipline and adventures that could go on for years, maybe even the rest of my life. I've had some great ones, most of which have stuck, some of which came to a natural end. Here, today, in San Francisco, I am participating in a learning lab of sorts, called "Experiments in Truth" and we're working on experiments together. We have all chosen at least 3 things to experiment with together, for 40 days, and at the end of the 40 days we shall have a divine celebration to honor our commitment, discipline, new habits, etc....

These experiments in truth are all couched in the larger context of being shaped in the way of Jesus.... and the way of wholeness. I have a few experiments that I'm working on and one that I just added last night as follows:

(1) I'm experimenting with a bedtime - within an hour and a half of Isabella's bedtime which is usually between 9:30-10. Basically I am trying to get in bed and maybe even get myself to sleep before midnight, quite a challenge for me :). To add to that, I'm experimenting with committing that hour and a half to researching and writing my screenplay that I'll enter into a contest or 2 this summer.

(2) I'm experimenting with more creative adventures every week. Isabella and I and often Jeff love to do creative and adventurous things around our new and fabulous city. We just bought a Muni pass so it's becoming even easier to do this! I'm experimenting with at least 5 different, and elaborate creative adventures each week that engage with the community around me (wherever I am), get to know my city's "characters", engage with God's Kingdom work, give back to the community, and serve as an artistic/creative endeavor.

(3) I'm experimenting with teaching Isabella Spanish everyday - 30 minutes and learning sign language with her - 30 minutes. Self explanatory.

(4) I'm experimenting with writing at least 4 letters every week to loved ones and sending those via old fashioned snail mail!

(5) I'm experimenting with blogging about all the different experiences. At this point a little slow on the uptake here but I'll get with it!

So, that's it for now.... the next post will be more specifics about the first week, which ends tomorrow and then I'll get on top of it daily!

25 things + 1 bonus

Might as well share this here too! I gave into peer pressure on facebook and decided to share my 25 random things. So here it is.....


1. I am married to my best friend and he is the 1st love of my life and we live a kind of rock n roll lifestyle and it is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!

2. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE surprises! We just had our first child and from day 1, I wanted to leave the gender to be a surprise and we did it and it was awesome and it's a girl and she's the 2nd LOVE of MY LIFE! YaY for Isabella Mackenzye! I've had at least 5 surprise bday parties and seriously, it never gets old.

3. I love fruit. I probably eat more fruit in one week than many people eat in a year! I also LOVE LOVE LOVE sweet potatoes, cheese grits, creative salads, and JUST ABOUT ANYTHING CURRIED.

4. I have 4 phobias: the dentist (#1 probably tells you why), the dark, fire, and really big balloon things.

3. I have an INCREDIBLY active and vivid iMaGiNaTioN that can become a secret world that I live in when I want to create something. And I love to create - stories, movies, possibilities, ideas, crafty projects, meals, parties, Oscar speeches, etc....

4. I make lists about anything and everything - I love to write and think about what I want to do, what I need to do, what I need to buy at the store, what names I like, what I saw today, whatever..... (Just ask Karissa).

5. I get really excited about little things - like Cherry Limeades and Lemonberry slushes from Sonic, snow cones, really good lemonade, poster board and markers, sidewalk chalk, the bulk bins at Rainbow - seriously I'm like a kid at Six Flags when I go to Rainbow!

6. I love to work out - running, jumping rope, yoga, weights, dancing, gymnastics, and especially whatever I can do with Isabella in tow

7. One of my dream careers has always been to be on Broadway - I love performing, being in character, singing & dancing (but it doesn't exactly fit with my life goals).

8. I am very passionate and even more driven. I want to change the world in whatever ways that I can and make sure that I never fail to be a voice for the voiceless, an advocate for the oppressed, a liberator for the enslaved. I want to be a part of understanding what causes poverty, slavery, trafficking and then what it will take to increase advocacy & build a sustainable, more compassionate world.

9. I'm a tree hugger.... a peace activist..... a hopeful skeptic.... a people lover.... a justice seeker..... a social entrepreneur.

10. I am a city girl.

11. I am inspired by impassioned risk-taking and risk-takers.

12. I have a secret love affair with traveling, especially with my hubby and Ella Bella..... I have been many places and we have many more to go! I especially love it when it is combined with visiting with friends I don't usually get to see!

13. I love learning..... I'm still in school working on dual doctorates (if that is any indication)

14. I'm obsessed with candy - for real - like almost anything - sour & gummy, nerds, blowpops, candy corn, jelly bellies, and starburst jelly beans are my faves but I'm open. I used to like red hots but one time I ate too many of those in combination with sunflower seeds and I threw up many times. I haven't eaten either of those since.

15. I'm a wine snob. I never drink wine because neither I nor any of my friends can afford the kind of wine that I like.

16. I haven't watched television (or had a television) since college. I don't really like anything but lived through a definite obsession with Gilmore Girls. I have all 7 seasons on DVD.

17. I'm a harsh movie critic but I'm obsessed with good ones! I especially like documentaries.

18. I am an athlete. And I am hyper-competitive. I can make anything a competition. I control this part of me quite well these days. Just don't challenge me.

19. I have never and will never drink coffee. In fact, I don't really like to drink anything hot.

20. I have worked really hard to develop a healthy sense of boundaries and it feels really good.

21. A secret part of my heart belongs to (and will always belong to) Disney.

22. I love kids. I want to have a couple more and adopt (from all over the world) as many as Jeff will let me :).

23. I love sports. Seriously, like LOVE sports.... playing, watching. Gymnastics is my overall favorite. It was my identity for about 16 years. I am an avid and fAIThFuL ALABAMA fan all around.

24. When no one is looking I am caught staying up to date with Hollywood and all its glamour. People. In Style. Star. In Touch. It's a weakness.

25. I love my family. I have the greatest mom and dad, the most FANTASTIC sister and brother in law. And seriously, the uber-most-amazing nephew in the world!

26. BONUS: I love parties, eSpECiaLLy those with themes, costumes (or dressing up), good food, dancing, and gAmEs! Parties are probably my love language.

Uncle Bill

Today... was Isabella's 6 month check up and final round of immunizations. After a full day of activity and some diaper changing drama, she and I rushed out the door to catch the bus to Kaiser. I was pulling up nextmuni.com as we walked out the door to decide just how fast to walk and there was supposed to be one in 8 minutes. So, with her strapped in the Moby (which I wrapped very quickly and not so well) we tried rushing to the bus stop. Arriving at Castro and Elizabeth clearly too late no bus in sight either direction, I checked again and sure enough we had 10 minutes. We were going to be late. Oh well. Waiting for the bus Isabella talked to every person, car, bird that went by us. And there was the bus. I got out my $1.50 and stepped out to let the driver know I was waiting. I wasn't terribly distressed with being late, as I never am, but I was worried that we would be there much longer than desired because of it. I must have had that kind of pre-exhausted look on my face when the doors opened. As soon as I walked on board the first face I saw lit up like I've never seen a face light up before. It was the face of a very worn and tattered man. He was rather large, buzzed gray hair, and his skin looked rather baked - wrinkles, sun spots, and the like. His clothes were old and a little too small with stains and wrinkles and even a hole or two. He held a fabric grocery sack in his lap that contained some fresh produce, bread & cheese.
I sat down next to him because his eyes and his smile intrigued me. I wanted to know more about his story. Perhaps missing the bus that would make us arrive on time was actually an opportunity for God to speak into my life and let me share mine with someone else. Those are the kinds of opportunities that I never want to take for granted. This one was easy. He was THRILLED that we sat down next to him and instantly began talking to us. Guessing Isabella's age, what's her name? she's adorable, where are you going? ooooh, the doctor, unsuspecting eh? I haven't been to the doctor in years....and so on.... then the story began and it unfolded rapidly.
A veteran. 66 years old. Former teacher of criminology. No immediate family. No companion. A bad hip. A little difficult to understand. But just a sweet man. He talked of a grand-niece and nephew but he no longer got to see them. He missed children in his life. He misses the laughter and the smiles. He misses buying them gifts. So, we talked. He and Isabella talked. And when it was time for him to get off the bus, he said, "there have been very few times in my life when i wanted to take a picture and remember something beautiful but you and Isabella standing there waiting for the bus was a great photo op..... i hope you have a wonderful day and life together and make many memories"
And then he was off the bus. And we were on our way.
I hope you have a wonderful day and life as well, Uncle Bill.

A new era is upon us.....

It is clear that there is much to be hopeful for, much to be skeptical about, many questions unanswered, many solutions elusive, and in the end a world that is looking on with distinct anticipation. Today was about today - it was about speaking to this generation, right here right now. It was about appealing to our US citizens, reminding us of the price and promise of our citizenship and it was about appealing to the world as a whole. I imagine that there are feelings of disdain, feelings of concern, feelings of anxiety, feelings of hope, feelings of adoration, feelings of pride, victory, passion, and relief all swirling around within and between human beings from all across this country and this world. So, what happens next? Tomorrow, in the literal sense, will probably not be markedly different than today but tomorrow in the figurative sense will be different. A new era of leadership, of action, of collaboration, of change... is upon us. How will you engage with what is present?

Honestly, I don't care who people voted for. In this election or in any other election. I have no personal hatred or disdain for the man who is George Bush. I do not feed or align myself with the camp of people who are attempting to create an Obama-Savior-complex. I am a citizen who wants to know what it is like to love this country, to stand with the fullness of emotion and pride when the National Anthem is sung or is played because of what we stand for in the world. Will this happen in my lifetime? Will it happen ever? I don't know, but I know for damn sure that I will live my life intentionally seeking and cultivating peace, compassion, justice, and diversity.

As I sit and study and be mommy and wife and neighbor and friend and sister and daughter and aunt, I wonder, "what more could I possibly ask for in my life?" Nothing. I can ask for nothing besides the opportunities to spread love and compassion and justice. I can ask for nothing to change except that I become more and more aware of the oppressed of the voiceless of the tortured of the traumatized of the abused. I can ask for nothing other than the chance to meet the needs of the least, the last, and the lost of the world. I have everything good in my life and I deserve none of it more than the next person. But, I have it. And I will not take it for granted. I will pray for and respect and honor my President and his administration. I will join him in his efforts to bring about real and lasting change that is founded in the ideals of love, compassion, justice, and sustainability. I will question him and work to inform him in his efforts that seem to work against these ideals. I will participate as a citizen but in the same way that I have the last 8 years, I will not grow bitter or harsh simply because one man can't seem to get it all together. One man should never be expected to get it all together when the interests he serves are so vast and diverse. In the same way, one man can never be held responsible for the failure of a nation to thrive. There are so many definitions for what it looks like for this nation to thrive and we as a whole will probably not agree but we can't disagree on what is sustainable and what is just.

I ask simply that people give this administration a chance. I ask that we recognize the deep wounds that have been inflicted on this country for decades. I ask that we realize we are not healthy and we are not functioning for the good of humankind, the environment, or the Kingdom of our Creator. I ask that we put our hope in something greater than one man and that we choose to be intentional in our lives of prayer and meditation. I ask that we participate and live as if something more than ourselves matter.